Read Around the Rainbow is a blogging project featuring yours truly, A.L. Lester, Ofelia Gränd, Holly Day, K.L. Noone, Amy Spector, Addison Albright, Fiona Glass, Lilian Francis, and Ellie Thomas. Every month, we pick a topic and then we blog about it. Check the other blog posts by clicking the RAtR widget in the sidebar, or the links at the bottom of this post.
The April topic for the Read Around the Rainbow blog project is Writer’s Block, the two dreaded words constantly in the back of a writer’s mind, and when Ally suggested it in our group chat, my brain said Yes! I can write about writer’s block.
Because I haven’t submitted a story in months, I haven’t written in months. I’ve opened my WIP a few times and tinkered with what I’ve already written, but I haven’t added any new words. I haven’t had any new ideas–which admittedly isn’t in itself necessarily a sign of writer’s block for me; I’m a one-idea-at-the-time kind of author unless my current WIP isn’t working for me–but I haven’t even really felt the urge to write, I’ve just had a guilty voice in the back of my head nagging me that I should write.
This has to be writer’s block, right? Hasn’t it?
Or is it just that I have a full-time day job (with too much to do and not enough staff) that demands more and more of my time and mental energy, and with a long commute that steals two hours of my day? Is it that I have elderly parents and in-laws with serious health issues (like dementia, heart attacks, and threat of amputation of a limb) that kills a lot of joy and positivity in my life? Do I have a beloved granddaughter (and her equally beloved parents) I want to spend as much time as possible with to infuse my life with happiness? Do I have a huge house and garden that require my attention, a shelf full of books I want to read, and I couch I want to lie on and read said books. Yes. The answer to all these questions is yes!
There’s also the question of is writer’s block even a real thing? Writer John Green’s father doesn’t seem to think so, because he said “Coal miners don’t get coal miners’ block.” And his statement is maybe more true than we writers want to acknowledge; I go up and go to work every day and perform well enough to make my bosses so happy they gave me not one, but two significant salary raises this past year, while my parents and in-laws are still struggling with their health issues, and all the other items om my list above are still true. So I clearly don’t have a day-job-block.
I asked the Internet about writer’s block, both if it’s a thing and what the definition is; Merriam-Webster says it’s “a psychological inhibition preventing a writer from proceeding with a piece,” and this article on Masterclass.com describes it as “Writer’s block is a phenomenon experienced by writers that is best described as an overwhelming feeling of being stuck in the writing process without the ability to move forward and write anything new.”
When I asked the Internet about the causes, it listed things like self doubt, perfectionism, distractions (as in social media and the Internet in general), lack of ideas, fear (of both failure and success), and lack of control (external factors, difficult personal situations etc).
A quick look at that list tells us that yes, according to those definitions, I most definitely suffer from writer’s block. But there’s also another aspect I haven’t yet talked about. Motivation. And a big scary question: do I still want to be an author?
The honest answer is I don’t know, which is terrifying for someone who’s dreamed of being an author since I was a little kid, but my motivation is at an all-time low, and I think that’s my biggest problem. Writing takes a lot of time, and a lot of that time is spent doing things that isn’t writing and things that aren’t fun, like writing blurbs, and promoting myself if I want people to know about my books and buy them. And honestly; I hate promoting myself, I’m not that type of person, I would much rather that someone else handled all that for me, so I could just sit in my quiet corner and focus on the thing about being an author that I actually like; the writing itself.
And since I suck at promoting myself and I tend to write things that not a lot of people want to read (short stories, people in general wants longer stories, and preferably series, too), I’m not a big name author. I know I could apply myself more and probably be more successful; I could write full-length novels, I could include more sex in my stories, I could include side plots in my books and not only focus on the romance and the couple, I could write about the popular tropes, I could do a lot of things that potentially would make me more successful.
But do I really want to be a big name author? I mean, yes, it would be great if my writing could support me and I could quit my day job, but I don’t want to be famous. I don’t want everything I do or say to be analyzed to death by people, and I don’t want to be recognized everywhere I go. I like being this country nobody who can go outside without even brushing my hair if I don’t feel like it.
So the important question for me isn’t if I have writer’s block or not, it’s is it worth it? Is it worth spending that much time (when I have so little to spare) doing something with next to no return of investment?
Or would my time be better spent at the zoo, digging up fake dinosaur fossils with little W, my dinosaur-loving granddaughter? I still wouldn’t be able to quit my day job, but the emotional return of investment of hanging out with her is unprecedented.
And maybe that’s more important than to be able to call myself an author?
Don’t forget to go check out the others’ thoughts on this topic!
Ellie Thomas :: Ofelia Gränd
Nell Iris 